a story about a girl, enough to make you sick

This has been the strangest summer of my life.
That's seventeen summers I've lived through, and this is the strangest.
I say that every year, probably, but this one blew them all out of the water.
Last year was more interesting, but this year was the strangest.
This summer, I really hardly left my house. I've just been kind of depressed, a little distanced from the outside world, sometimes by choice, and sometimes not.
That's not strange. I've spent quite a few summers in my house.
But this year, before anything happened, I could feel myself falling apart.

It started by losing someone I considered very important in my life.
And it's going to end with meeting someone who should have been important in my life.

Next week, I'm going to have lunch with my father.
I don't think I'm prepared yet. I'm not prepared for how awkward it might be. How angry I might get.
My expectations are low. I'm talking buried in the ground. Why should they be anything but low? He's never been one for following through.
But it's been seventeen years. And who knows? He might be a decent guy. Crazy. Very crazy. But decent.

We both know he'll never be "dad," even if I do start calling him that. Right now, I'm sticking with Biopops.
Like a cereal gone stale. The kind you buy, but you never eat. You let it sit there in your cabinet, pretending it doesn't exist, until the one day you open it up and you try just a little bit, because ignoring it for something familiar is getting old.
It might be good, even if it is a little stale. It might be dreadful. Or worse. It might have been good if you had tried it when you bought it, and now it's just too far gone.

Enough of this fucking cereal metaphor. It's lame.
Simile. Simile. The word like is in there.

But I'm gonna try.
Wish me luck.

I hate heat. It's sticky and gross and there's a bug in my room so I don't wanna use the air-conditioner.
This week has sucked, and I'm really glad it's over, but the miserable weather does not sit well with me.
I feel like crap anyway.
Yesterday was fun, though. Sam and I went to the mall to get her clothes and a necklace. We chugged iced coffee and then came home and then went to the supermarket, which was also pretty entertaining until someone hopped in my fucking cab.
Today, however, I'm stuck alone, my mom went to the beach and Sam went home to sleep.
I'm really not looking forward to this week. I'm really not looking forward to much of anything lately. I'm starting to notice everybody's little flaws, and it's driving me insane.
The only thing that I know I can be excited for is in 33 days.

cmmnt to be added bbys. <3
OH YEAH YOU KNOW WEZ HAWT.

Defunker - 20


Only 367.64!
139 for just the starred stuff. I really need the flower collar one. BADDDD.

I have nothing more to say.
There's nothing left but 'ugh' in my brain.

i haven't updated about my actual life lately.

Life is pretty boring.
I had to do this stupid-ass thing for Joao on Sunday for Literary Society. It sucked, endlessly. I was doing more than some people who are actually IN the literary society.
Which I had to be up at 6 for.
It's the most ridiculous thing. We spend two hours decorating this stupid commuter-rail train, get assigned parts, and then entertain small children for an hour. 
First, they told me I was going to read The Polar Express over the loud speaker in car seven. Then McSmiley comes in and says "Yeah, you're not reading." And I was like "M'kay..." and then he comes back ten minutes later and says "You're reading in car six." So I'm like "M'kay." and then he comes back and says "Nope, not reading. You get to pass out cookies and gifts to small children!" Fun fun! The kids were fine. Even adorable. The parents were rabid. A bunch of them asked for cookies. I was like "Can I get through the CHLIDREN first?" And I was very clearly wearing rubber gloves to pass them out. So this lady who has JUST CHANGED HER CHILDS DIAPER sticks her hand in the box. I wanted to smack her. I was like "GLOVES. Can we have some regard for someone other than ourselves?"
Then I had to be even more obnoxiously happy to pass out colouring books and bells. Then the whole rest of the ride, I got to listen to the neverending jingling. 
I must admit, it must have sucked worse to be a character. But it stll sucked pretty bad to pass shit out. 
So then they take us back to Malden Station, and announce over the speaker "If you're a helper getting out, get out now." And then TWENTY SECONDS LATER start moving the train, leaving myself, Felicia, Ashley, Tall Guy, Kasey, Christina, and Anh stranded. 
So Felicia, Ashley, Tall Guy, and I decide to get off and North Station and find food. I'd never hung out with any of these people without at least a connecting friend before. But it was actually really entertaining. 
Then, at about 2 (the thing ended at 12, started at 7:15) I got home. Finally.
Yeah, other than that life is uneventful. However Joao owes me.

I haven't heard from Chorles in a week and a half. I feel like a bad person. But I tried to contact him, he just wasn't home.

Speaking of Chorles, I went out with him last last Sunday and bought this REALLY good CD for two dollars.

If you can find it anywhere, I really strongly recommend it.
Carnival by Moke. It's pretty much love. 

I think I've failed to mention that we have a new geometry teacher since Kane got fired. Her name is Mateeva. She's pretty much an annoyance.
Thanksgiving sucked major eggs.
My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital. He was in there for like a week, though, I was petrified. He's BY FAR my favourite family member. Like, no contest. Ever. 
My fat uncle's children broke my candle holder. He did nothing about it. 
I don't understand why they think that my house is childproof. We live on the second story with nothing between them and the stairs. 
I hate my family. I'd like to kick most of them in the head.

School sucks pretty hardcore. As per usual. Briggs, the village idiot, called my mother about how I haven't changed for gym in a few days. Who cares anyway. It's my choice whether or not I want to fail gym and be fat for the rest of my life and die of a heart attack at 42. 
She really isn't the brightest bulb in the box. How did she get through college? No one knoooows.

Why is it more acceptable to be anti-Christian than anti-Jewish? Is it just because Jews have been through a ton more over the years?
Hm.

Okay, I'm done.

Basically, I was feeling a compulsive need to write down all my feelings on religion. This will probably have a few EDITS because, well, I'm forgetful.

Religion, in it's most basic idea, is an explanation for the inexplicable. That is why religion was created in the first place, non? Babylonians, Greeks, Egyptians all had religions that featured multiple gods, each representing a different aspect of their daily lives. Weather, crops, love, et cetera. Why? Because they hadn't the technology or scientific knowledge to explain these things themselves.

Eventually, these polytheistic thoughts evolved into monotheism, because what's more effective at scaring people than one all-powerful being? If they piss that dude off, there'll be no mercy, he has better things to do than show them mercy.

Of course, eventually this evolved into the kinder, gentler god that most of the world knows today. The god who sends down his son and basically gives the world a hug. The son that everyone claims was so holy and pure, but hung out with lepers and whores. 

Whores? You mean those people who religious sorts tantalize as being purely sinful? Jesus hung out with THEM, OHMAHGAH no waiii. 

Oh your god, yes way. 

This Jesus answered questions that no one had ever thought of answering before. Where do we all go when we die? Well, basically, everyone before Jesus went to hell, because apparently they weren't worthy of his righteousness. Those gazillion people or so. But WHATEVS, y'know, shit happens.  But now, only if you followed in Jesus' path, you could go to a generic paradise in the sky. 

Here's a story.

Bob is a Christian. He is twenty years old, and he has never read the Bible, but believes every word his parents, his priest, his friends every spewed to him. Bob was destined for heaven. Even in college, he was saving himself for marriage, he had never had sinful thoughts about anyone before, he has never broken a Commandment, and he attends Church every Sunday and on holidays.
One day, Bob is in the mood to try something new. He goes to his local restaurant, and picks up a menu, and decides to try some clam chowder.
He finishes his clam chowder quickly, and enjoys it very much. He gets a bowl every day for lunch.
The next week he goes to confession, and confesses what he believes to be all of his sins.
Then, Bob dies of a ripe old age of 96. He is brought before God to be judged, and God says, "I'm sorry, but it seems you've sinned almost every single day sine April 23 of your 20th year, and never confessed."
Bob is confused. There must be a mistake.
"There is no mistake." God says. "I'm God, I don't make mistakes, OBVI."
Bob questions his sins, and God says to him. "The clam chowder, Bob. Haven't you ever READ the Holy Bible? Right next to 'men shall not lie with men' it says you can't eat shellfish. It's really just a test to make sure you're reading the Bible. We decided to throw it in there. Sorry, Bob, off to hell you go!"

THIS is the utter ridiculousness of religion. 
Now I could really go for some clam chowder.

Yes, today we have made advances in technology. We've explained evolution, weather, crop growth, even love, to some extent. 
WHY do we still have religion? Why oh WHY? 
There's still no explanation to where we go when we die, you say?
Yes there is.
In. The bloody. Ground.

Love,
Corrinne

1. Titanic (1997) - $600,779,824
2. Star Wars (1977) - $460,935,665
3. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - $434,949,459
4. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) - $431,065,444
5. Spider-Man (2002) - $403,706,375
6. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003) - $377,019,252
7. Passion of the Christ, The (2004) - $370,025,697
8. Jurassic Park (1993) - $356,784,000
9. Shrek 2 (2004) - $356,211,000
10. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002) - $340,478,898
11. Finding Nemo (2003) - $339,714,367
12. Forrest Gump (1994) - $329,691,196
13. Lion King, The (1994) - $328,423,001
14. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) - $317,557,891
15. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001) - $313,837,577
16. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002) - $310,675,583
17. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983) - $309,125,409
18. Independence Day (1996) - $306,124,059 (i don't remember if i've seen it)
19. Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) - $305,411,224
20. Sixth Sense, The (1999) - $293,501,675
21. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) - $290,158,751
22. Home Alone (1990) - $285,761,243
23. Matrix Reloaded, The (2003) - $281,492,479
24. Shrek (2001) - $267,652,016
25. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) - $261,970,615
26. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) - $260,031,035
27. Jaws (1975) - $260,000,000
28. Monsters, Inc. (2001) - $255,870,172
29. Batman (1989) - $251,188,924
30. Men in Black (1997) - $250,147,615
31. Toy Story 2 (1999) - $245,823,397
32. Bruce Almighty (2003) - $242,589,580
33. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - $242,374,454
34. Twister (1996) - $241,700,000
35. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) - $241,437,427
36. Ghost Busters (1984) - $238,600,000
37. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) - $234,760,500
38. Cast Away (2000) - $233,630,478
39. Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (1997) - $229,074,524
40. Signs (2002) - $227,965,690
41. Rush Hour 2 (2001) - $226,138,454
42. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) - $219,200,000
43. Ghost (1990) - $217,631,306
44. Aladdin (1992) - $217,350,219
45. Saving Private Ryan (1998) - $216,119,491
46. Mission: Impossible II (2000) - $215,397,30
47. X2 (2003) - $214,948,780
48. Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) - $213,079,163
49. Back to the Future (1985) - $210,609,762
50. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) - $205,399,422
51. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) - $204,843,350
52. Exorcist, The (1973) - $204,565,000
53. Mummy Returns, The (2001) - $202,007,640
54. Armageddon (1998) - $201,573,391
55. Gone with the Wind (1939) - $198,655,278
56. Pearl Harbor (2001) - $198,539,855
57. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) - $197,171,806
58. Toy Story (1995) - $191,800,000
59. Men in Black II (2002) - $190,418,803
60. Gladiator (2000) - $187,670,866
61. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) - $184,925,485
62. Dances with Wolves (1990) - $184,208,848
63. Batman Forever (1995) - $184,031,112
64. Fugitive, The (1993) - $183,875,760
65. Ocean's Eleven (2001) - $183,405,771
66. What Women Want (2000) - $182,805,123
67. Perfect Storm, The (2000) - $182,618,434
68. Liar Liar (1997) - $181,395,380
69. Grease (1978) - $181,360,000
70. Jurassic Park III (2001) - $181,166,115
71. Mission: Impossible (1996) - $180,965,237
72. Planet of the Apes (2001) - $180,011,740
73. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) - $179,870,271
74. Pretty Woman (1990) - $178,406,268
75. Tootsie (1982) - $177,200,000
76. Top Gun (1986) - $176,781,728
77. There's Something About Mary (1998) - $176,483,808
78. Ice Age (2002) - $176,387,405
79. Crocodile Dundee (1986) - $174,635,000
80. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) - $173,585,516
81. Elf (2003) - $173,381,405
82. Air Force One (1997) - $172,888,056
83. Rain Man (1988) - $172,825,435
84. Apollo 13 (1995) - $172,071,312
85. Matrix, The (1999) - $171,383,253
86. Beauty and the Beast (1991) - $171,301,428
87. Tarzan (1999) - $171,085,177
88. Beautiful Mind, A (2001) - $170,708,996
89. Chicago (2002) - $170,684,505
90. Three Men and a Baby (1987) - $167,780,960
91. Meet the Parents (2000) - $166,225,040
92. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) - $165,500,000
93. Hannibal (2001) - $165,091,464
94. Catch Me If You Can (2002) - $164,435,221
95. Big Daddy (1999) - $163,479,795
96. Sound of Music, The (1965) - $163,214,286
97. Batman Returns (1992) - $162,831,698
98. Bug's Life, A (1998) - $162,792,677
99. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) - $161,963,000
100. Waterboy, The (1998) - $161,487,252